PARAPROSDOKIANS
I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition:
"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase
is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
Ok, so now enjoy!
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,'
and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,
'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think
they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of
a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work
that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need
a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding
someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first
and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any
more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in
such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home
even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice
of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that
the Fire Department usually uses water.
Words of Wisdom
"The early bird may get the worm, but the
second mouse gets the cheese."
~ Jon Hammond
>
