Sunday, August 18, 2013

Our Crazy Wedding!

August 19, 1968 - St. Louis, MO

Well 45 years ago George and I got married in Missouri. Here we are me in my hot pink mini dress, and of course George looking like a Punker. I was just 15 years old, and he was 17 years old. We had to elope to Missouri with our Moms because we needed someone to sign due to our ages. So why did we get married in St. Louis? Well because in Wisconsin you couldn't get married that young unless I was pregnant. Now is that a dumb law or what? LOL LOL Was I pregnant? No way. I didn't even want any children that young, it was quite a few years before I even considered it. Anyway, dumb law, we married because we truly loved each other. Just plain and simple, we just loved each other. No hidden motives, no reason other than that. Like why were we suppose to have a reason other than that, I mean isn't that the purpose of marrying? You love each other, and are each other's best friend.

When we pulled into St. Louis we were unaware that the World Series was being played there at that time. Oh my gosh, we couldn't find a place to stay anywhere. We had to go way outside of the city to a small area off the express way. It was a dumpy little motel that only had one room, with two full size beds lol no A/C, no frills no thrills. Oh we had the biggest laugh, but one thing, it was cheap, so we didn't care. We were all in the same room having fun as usual. My younger sister was with and she loved it, they had a huge cat, and a swimming pool with a giant crack down the lol my sister Mary Ann kept putting pennies in the pop machine and making everyone mad.

The wedding went perfect other than it was 100 degrees, and humidity that was like an Amazon lol We didn't care though, we had so much fun with our Moms, always did.

The next day after our wedding we all wanted to do something fun so we went to the Meriamec Caverns. We arrived at the caverns and had such a fun day, it was really cool down there so a wonderful respite from the heat and sun. It truly was beautiful. We came out of the caverns and started down the highway home. Along the way we saw all these trailers tossed around. Some were completely torn apart with only a toilette left. As we got closer to the motel the debris was strewn everywhere. While we were underground in the cavern a tornado struck. We pulled into the motel lot and all the windows were blown out of the cars parked there, and junk all around. The motel was only slightly damaged and our room was untouched. Weird! Like George said, "Wow Thank God we were underground and didn't even have a clue what was going on above the ground". That was really lucky, we felt bad for everyone else though. Sad!

So for our wedding dinner we all went to a Truck Stop. The owner was so thrilled and tickled that they had a wedding couple in their diner. Him and his wife were so lovely, and kind. She even went out and bought us all a cake, that was decorated so nice and a bottle of wine. lol lol My Mom and George's Mom said, "Oh how wonderful, but don't give George and Maureen any wine, we don't want to get you into lol We didn't like wine anyway, so didn't bother us. We had a great time, so much fun, and it was memorable.

45 years have gone by so fast, can't believe it. Truly seems like yesterday, except when I look at the old photos...bwhahhahahaha!

Saturday, December 29, 2012


Subject: Deep Thoughts .....
I have kleptomania,
But when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now,
Tomorrow will be yesterday.
A bartender is just a pharmacist
With a limited inventory
I may be schizophrenic,
But at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment,
it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which
almost went unnoticed a while back, Larry LaPrise, the man who
wrote The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93.  The most
traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put
his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Sometimes I even put it in the food.
When you work here,
You can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".
Money isn't everything,
But it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman,
I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way
on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Impossibilities in the world   
1- You can't count your hair.  
2- You can't wash your eyes with soap.  
3- You can't breathe when your tongue is out.   
Please put your tongue back inside your mouth, you look stupid.  
(Had to send on, I fell for it too!)

Tuesday, March 6, 2012



I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition:

"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase

is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

Ok, so now enjoy!

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level

and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear

bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not

putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,'

and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many

is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a

train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,

'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk

down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think

they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of

a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work

that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need

a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery

easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding

someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first

and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any

more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in

such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home

even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice

of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that

the Fire Department usually uses water.

Words of Wisdom

"The early bird may get the worm, but the

second mouse gets the cheese."

~ Jon Hammond


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Monkey Business

This pencil drawing is hanging on the wall of my dentist's office. As an artist I am sometimes amazed how people request certain types of subjects and I am then privy to the meanings behinds their requests.
I was sitting in the dental chair getting my teeth worked on when the Dentist said to me, "I heard you were an portrait artist"! I said, "Yeths", slobbering. Anyway he proceeded to request a portrait of Spider Monkeys. I was sort of squeamish in the chair at that point, pondering just who is this guy? He then told me how when he was a child there was this pet shop that carried Spider Monkeys. He was so intrigued with them and used to spend the whole time touching them through the cage, playing with them, making faces at them and their responses were so magical to him. Naturally his parents said, 'NO WAY" those things are smelly and dirty! hahahaha! He said "I so desperately wanted one and decided when I was an Adult I would definitely get one"!
So on his next trip to the pet shop he asked the attendant if he could hold one just for a minute. Her reply was, "Well if it's okay with your parents. Monkeys are highly unpredictable and they bite like hell"! His parents said, "If this will put your dreams to rest, then by all means hold a monkey"!
So the attendant took out the Monkey and went to hand him to me and the Monkey flew at me, grabbed my neck and proceeded to attack me while I was screaming. I went to pull him off my neck and he chewed the hell out of my fingers while I was screaming. He said the attendant had a hard time getting the smelly, hairy, chewing thing off of me. He said, "It gave me such post traumatic shock" that to this day I still have nightmares, my wife wakes me up laughing saying, "Uh Oh it's the monkey attack again"!
I said, I will be glad to do the portrait but why in the heck would you want that? His reply, "Every time I will look at it above my desk and remember the words spoken to me by my parents"! 'WE TOLD YOU SO"! hahahahahahahhahha! So every time I look at those horrible monkeys I will think before making an assumption. hahahhahahhaha!
On my next appointment he took me into his office, he had it framed really beautifully and was so proud of it. He adored it!
I think that is why I love being an artist, I get to know things about people that no one else knows. It truly is of a rather intimate relationship you gain with your patrons. He contacted me a short while ago to do portraits of him. I said, "Sorry I don't do portraits anymore, just pottery"! lol lol lol :)

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Who is that guy?

When our daughter Carrie became an ISP for our local community the area was thrilled. We were one of the first to bring Internet Services to our community. We also served the North East corner of Illinois, Antioch. That was many years ago during the dial-up days.
Anyway, I ran the office, and I was the help desk. Carrie would go out on calls because in those days the Internet had to be manually installed and information typed in, and set up. Well as you can imagine the people were clueless so we offered free in house calls to set it up for them.
Wow the business took off like wild fire. We had just about every one in the area. The phone never, ever stopped ringing. Call after call.
I learned HTML so I could start to make websites, after all, we had to make our own. At that time there was no one. Anyway we did not have WSIWG applications so therefore HTML was all you had to work with. After I learned proficiency in it I started my own Web Designing company, through Busynet Internet Services. Oh Lord was I ever busy, and with my Photoshop abilities I had a ton of customers.
I designed the above logo for my business which turned out to be a real mistake. I was continually getting phone calls, emails, because women and both young and old wanted to know who the heck was that gorgeous guy who is doing websites. hahahahahahhahahaha! We live in a small town so they thought they knew everyone. Anyway I would say "That is Me"! hahahaha! They would just sheepishly say, "Oh sorry Maureen, I guess it's the suit"! hahahahaha! Go Figure that one out?????? To this day I am like "What the Heck are they smoking anyway"!
Just thought you might find it as funny as I did. Those calls were endless until word got out that it's not a young man, it's Maureen Johnson.... Kind of a Victor/Victoria thing. I just put the suit on to look more professional, not manly....

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Teachers Comments!

Well the end of the school year is almost upon us. I am sure the kids are all oh so happy, and looking forward to having fun and social time. I thought these teacher comments were oh so funny, but then of course I would....hahahhahaha! :)

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the
New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom & has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

My Glorious Princess Perfect!

Here is our darling "Princess Emily". This was her glory days when she was a young girl. She was the best agility dog and out of all the dogs at the agility trial she won Best Agility Dog for her group size. She even got her championship on her first dog agility trial. In this photo there were several hundred dogs there that day so she proved her stuff. Every time she ran she did a totally clean run, absolutely not one mistake.
She was a star athlete and a heart that just wouldn't quit. When the judge would explain to me the path she had to take she would watch him and when the whistle blew, off she ran, with no guidance. My dog is brilliant, and smart, a born winner. She knew her job, and loved it. Never tired and always gave a million percent.
She did have an advantage over the large dogs, because of her size, and her being low to the ground, wow she could move with out one stop, or hesitation. A real go getter in her youth.
Emily came from a puppy mill. Turned out to be the best pal a person could ever have. She is totally devoted, loyal, loving, smart, and super sensitive to your feelings.
A real darling, as long as you are not a lol lol :)