Saturday, December 29, 2012


Subject: Deep Thoughts .....
I have kleptomania,
But when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now,
Tomorrow will be yesterday.
A bartender is just a pharmacist
With a limited inventory
I may be schizophrenic,
But at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment,
it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which
almost went unnoticed a while back, Larry LaPrise, the man who
wrote The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93.  The most
traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put
his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Sometimes I even put it in the food.
When you work here,
You can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".
Money isn't everything,
But it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman,
I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way
on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Impossibilities in the world   
1- You can't count your hair.  
2- You can't wash your eyes with soap.  
3- You can't breathe when your tongue is out.   
Please put your tongue back inside your mouth, you look stupid.  
(Had to send on, I fell for it too!)

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